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The Bad Hockey Card Blog

   This is a fun little project I have been wanting to do for a long time. It really has nothing to do with the league except to give people one more reason to stop by the site on a weekly basis and perhaps provide some comic relief, which is much needed as we know that rec ball hockey is generally some pretty serious shit!

   There is no shortage of terrible hockey cards out there and I am the not-so-proud owner of a bunch of them. So with that said, over the coming weeks and months, I will be marching out numerous examples of photographic misdeeds, oddities and downright "What were they thinking?" moments that should prove quite entertaining.

   


September 22nd, 2014



"...and in this corner, Charlie Burns!"

   No, Charlie Burns isn't getting ready to be somebody's sparring partner in the ring, that's actually a hockey helmet. Charlie had a serious head injury in junior and actually had a plate in his head, thus the extra padded helmet. He was actually one of the early pioneers of helmet use, though it still took a while for the practice to catch on with the rest of the league. A quick look at this hockey card illustrates why players may have been a tad reluctant to don head gear.




September 15th, 2014



Don't Feed The Animals! #2

   HOLY SHIT MAN, THAT'S A RHINO!!!




September 5th, 2014



Don't Feed The Animals!

   Yeah, so this is Dean McAmmond feeding deer on a snowmobile. You may be asking what that has to do with hockey, and I'm sorry to say that I don't have an answer for you. This isn't even from one of those weird "Be A Player" sets that for some reason celebrate the player's lives away from the game, but rather from a standard issue set otherwise featuring guys playing hockey. However, someone decided that to shake things up, perhaps they could show a couple of cards featuring players randomly feeding animals. If you're in to that, stick around for the next exciting entry in this series...




September 4th, 2014



Tron Helmets

   Another pair of airbrushing atrocities from the 89-90 set, these cards are less about the jersey than changing the colour of the helmet. Unfortunately, those helmets came off a little too "digital", and are extremely reminiscent of the helmets worn in the original Tron movie. As it happens, they actually wore hockey helmets in that movie which doesn't exactly hurt the comparison.




September 2nd, 2014



Cup Check! #2

   Once again we have an outstanding picture of a nut shot, and is there anything in this world more entertaining, really? There is little doubt from Kevin MacKay's expression that this one landed, either. He was surely singing soprano after this game.




July 3rd, 2014



The Blue Flame

   For those that aren't familiar with the term (which is pretty much everyone who isn't an immature male), a blue flame is when you use a lighter to ignite one's...umm...flatulence. I honestly never thought I'd see the practice performed on a hockey card, but then again, you see something new every day. Congrats to you, Jarno Peltonen, for breaking boundaries.




June 29th, 2014



Olaf Kolzig's Wiener

   I'm not touching this joke with a ten foot...uh...pole. 




June 27th, 2014



After School Special

   The two cards below appear to tell a cautionary tale about the dangers of life in pro hockey. On the left you have a young, fresh faced Trevor Kidd, likely on draft day. He looks like a future librarian or some other upstanding young citizen, full of hopes and dreams. On the right you have what looks like a broken down, hard living, and hard drinking Trevor Kidd who looks like he might be auditioning for the role of Rooster Cogburn in the next remake of True Grit. Yikes! Stay in school, kids.




June 23rd, 2014



Two Heads Are Better Than One

   It turns out that there really are monsters in hockey. Huge two-headed mutants that carry a stick in each hand. Even the Whalers logo looks freakishly mutated in this fortuitously lined up image as Jim Sandlak and Brad McCrimmon appear to merge. Creepy but cool!




June 20th, 2014



Black Tie Hockey

   This is a 1991 draft set from Arena that takes another stab at solving the issue of not having licenses to reproduce team logos. Their answer was to dress all of the players in tuxedos. I suppose they were hoping these players would come off looking like James Bond...in hockey gear! I chose this one particularly as they decided to pair up Scott Lachance and Pat Falloon for some unbeknownst reason. The happy couple also make for a wonderful tribute to the famous Grant Wood painting American Gothic.




June 16th, 2014



Serious Knee Injuries Always Make The Best Hockey Cards

   With just a quick glance at this card you might think it's a standard action picture, but take a closer look at the expression on Dominic Roussel's face and you can understand what he's feeling at the moment...and it isn't good.




June 12th, 2014



Inappropriate Nicknames

   The vast majority of NHL players have nicknames. Kraft Dinner, which annually puts out a hockey card set (no wonder KD is so popular in Canada), thought it might be a cool thing to include some player nicknames with this particular set. What could go wrong? Well, enter Darren Puppa, affectionately known as "Poops". Food companies and fecal matter; a winning combination!




June 10th, 2014



Caution: Sharp Corners

   The bottom left corner of this card subset is actually cut out (die-cut is the official term), as though they took a jigsaw to it, giving it numerous sharp edges. This is a great feature if you would like a little more of the element of danger from your card collecting. Maybe that's where the "Extreme" comes from in the Onyx Extreme name. But not to worry, a quick check of the Beckett Price Guide indicates that cards which have drawn human blood command a premium.




June 2nd, 2014



Be A (Volleyball) Player

   These "Be A Player" cards are quite confounding. The type of player they are speaking of is a hockey player, yet these cards use NHLers specifically NOT playing hockey on them. At least they are good for a laugh and thus they happen to make up a good percentage of entries in the BHC collection. This particular card features Steve Smith as a beach volleyball player in denim shorts and nothing else.  I'm not sure if anyone ever considered Steve Smith a sex symbol. Try as he might, I don't think this card got him to that status either.




May 30th, 2014



Where's Waldo? #2

   Though this card may not be quite as cluttered as the previous entry, its subject, Guy Lapointe, still ranks a distant third among the three people pictured on this card in terms of the percentage of them that is actually visible. He did win the battle of camera focus, however, and that was good enough, I suppose. They say there is no place to hide in a hockey game, but some of these pictures would seem to prove otherwise.



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