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The Bad Hockey Card Blog
This is a fun little project I have been wanting to do for a long time.
It really has nothing to do with the league except to give people one more reason to stop by the site on a weekly basis and perhaps provide some comic
relief, which is much needed as we know that rec ball hockey is generally some
pretty serious shit!
There is no shortage of terrible hockey cards out there and I am the not-so-proud owner of a bunch of them.
So with that said, over the coming weeks and months, I will be marching out
numerous examples of photographic misdeeds, oddities and downright "What were they
thinking?" moments that should prove quite entertaining.
December 19th, 2013
San Jose Double Take
I guess there are only so many interesting poses in the world of
studio photography. Back in 1991, when an awful Sharks lineup was just being
introduced to the public, some members of the club were invited to this photo
shoot. While most of the players got fairly standard headshots, Craig Coxe and
Bob McGill were the lucky ones to both get the Zoolander treatment. Now the
question is, who did it better?
December 15th, 2013
Back before the days of mandatory helmets, players had to do
something to keep their wild 70's hair under wraps. Meet Henry "The
Chief" Boucha who always wore a headband when he played hockey. For the
record, the introduction of helmets wasn't the only reason this look never quite
December 12th, 2013
Hot Rangers Boys Frolic In The Surf
This was a checklist card for a Star Rookies set featuring Doug
Weight, Steven Rice and Tony Amonte. However, I keep thinking about that Family Guy character "Herbert the Pervert"
as an Upper Deck photographer whenever I view this card. I dunno, it just seems
so homoerotic somehow. One thing's for sure...these guys like to party!
December 9th, 2013
Mario Marois' Ass Gets Its Own Card
If you play hockey at the NHL level, there's nothing like getting
your own hockey card. It really lets you know you've made it to the show. Now
Mario Marois' ass can proudly boast that it too, has its own hockey card. I'm
not sure how Dan Quinn feels about this as he was supposed to be the focus of
this card, but in the end (no pun intended) he got upstaged.
December 5th, 2013
Wretched Airbrushing Abomination #2
Here's another fine example of the wonderful airbrushing techniques
O-Pee-Chee used to think they were pulling off expertly. After Warren Young was
dealt from the Red Wings to the Penguins in 86-87, they had to do something
desperate to show him in a Penguins uniform. Now here's the thing that'll really
blow your mind. Young had actually played for Pittsburgh during the prior two
years (83-84, 84-85) prior to signing with Detroit for just the single season.
They actually didn't have any pictures remaining of him from just two seasons
prior? Man how times have changed! Check out how poorly oriented the Penguin
logo is on his chest. Brutal!
December 2nd, 2013
Too Cool For School #1
This was another in the Upper Deck subset devoted to the players
away from the rink. Many players are shown with their hobbies, including Adam
Oates with a baseball glove and bat, Ray Bourque and Brett Hull with golf clubs
and Alexei Kovalev with a soccer ball. What's Doug Gilmour's hobby? That's
right...being cool. Or maybe this has something to do with motorcycles. Don't
care really, it's funny as hell.
November 28th, 2013
Hockey Orgasms Are Fun!
Scoring a goal is definitely a good feeling. I'm not sure it's this
good, however. Hubie McDonough was caught in the act of what looks like some
pretty great sexual release in this particular hockey card photo. I'll have what
November 25th, 2013
The Great Tikkanen - Hockey Hypnotist
In a particularly well timed photographic happenstance, Esa Tikkanen makes an
interesting hand gesture while Guy Carbonneau does his part by looking like he's
in a trance. Or perhaps Tikkanen really was toying with the idea of hypnotizing
his opponents. I'm sure most of them would have preferred that to his incessant,
unintelligible chattering throughout every game hilariously labeled Tikannese.
November 21st, 2013
Meet Alex Ovechkin - Super Nerd!
Have a look at this nice young gentleman. Wait a minute! That's
badass Alex Ovechkin! You wouldn't have guessed from this draft day picture what
kind of a personality Alex actually has. There's probably an important lesson in
this, kids. Don't judge a book by its cover, or something. In any case, I can
only imagine what Ovie thinks when he looks at this picture. Yikes!
November 18th, 2013
Photography Lesson #1 - Center Your Subject
I'm still trying to figure out what happened during this photo
shoot that could have possibly resulted in such a poorly centered hockey card. I
kind of imagine the photographer's instructions going something like this;
"A little to the right, Mike. No...my right. No. Other way. Ah, screw it, I
gotta be on a plane in 40 minutes!" Click. The rest is history...horrible,
November 14th, 2013
Denis Savard And The Lamest Card Ever
Upper Deck once decided to do a card subset where you REALLY got to
know the players. The card backs had different questions regarding the player's
toughest opponents and superstitions etc., and the fronts would show what other
hobbies these same players had in their moments away from the rink. Sounds good
right? Um...no. I'll have many entries from this particular subset starting with
this beauty of Denis Savard and a horse calendar. Presumably his hobby is
riding and they wouldn't let him bring a horse into the locker room. Or perhaps
his hobby is collecting horse calendars, the card doesn't really say...
November 12th, 2013
Man Without A Face
This is Bryan Pitton's card from a Hot Rookies set produced by
Score. Of course this begs the question, exactly how hot of a prospect can you
be when they don't even bother to show your face? I'm not sure if he was really
that ugly or they just decided the most notable thing about him was his jersey
number. Either way, this card has earned its place on the all-time worst list.
Congratulations are in order...I guess.
November 10th, 2013
No Neck Vs The Giraffe - The Battle Begins!
Apparently, OHL goaltenders come in all shapes and sizes, or at
least their necks do. Not much else to say about this really, except...DAMN!!!
November 8th, 2013
"Wait till they get a load of me!"
Look out Batman! There's a new Supervillain in
town! Anders Hedberg was a great player for the Jets back in their early
days in the WHA. However, judging by this particular hockey card, the man was
also a raving maniac! We're not sure how much raping and pillaging he actually
did, if any, but you have to admit the man certainly looks capable of a lot of
November 6th, 2013
Wretched Airbrushing Abomination
Perhaps Randy Cunneyworth actually turned into a cartoon character
moments before this photograph was taken? Or maybe this was an example of the
crappy airbrushing that was used in the 70's but should have been taken out of
the playbook before 89-90 when this set was released. Good old O-Pee-Chee always
thought it was better that we have some hack artist try his best impression of
what a player would like like in his new team's uniform. Have a close look at
the hockey glove, which is particularly hilarious!