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The Bad Hockey Card Blog

   This is a fun little project I have been wanting to do for a long time. It really has nothing to do with the league except to give people one more reason to stop by the site on a weekly basis and perhaps provide some comic relief, which is much needed as we know that rec ball hockey is generally some pretty serious shit!

   There is no shortage of terrible hockey cards out there and I am the not-so-proud owner of a bunch of them. So with that said, over the coming weeks and months, I will be marching out numerous examples of photographic misdeeds, oddities and downright "What were they thinking?" moments that should prove quite entertaining.

   


December 19th, 2013



San Jose Double Take

   I guess there are only so many interesting poses in the world of studio photography. Back in 1991, when an awful Sharks lineup was just being introduced to the public, some members of the club were invited to this photo shoot. While most of the players got fairly standard headshots, Craig Coxe and Bob McGill were the lucky ones to both get the Zoolander treatment. Now the question is, who did it better?




December 15th, 2013



Tennis Anyone?

   Back before the days of mandatory helmets, players had to do something to keep their wild 70's hair under wraps. Meet Henry "The Chief" Boucha who always wore a headband when he played hockey. For the record, the introduction of helmets wasn't the only reason this look never quite caught on. 




December 12th, 2013



Hot Rangers Boys Frolic In The Surf

   This was a checklist card for a Star Rookies set featuring Doug Weight, Steven Rice and Tony Amonte. However, I keep thinking about that Family Guy character "Herbert the Pervert" as an Upper Deck photographer whenever I view this card. I dunno, it just seems so homoerotic somehow. One thing's for sure...these guys like to party!




December 9th, 2013



Mario Marois' Ass Gets Its Own Card

   If you play hockey at the NHL level, there's nothing like getting your own hockey card. It really lets you know you've made it to the show. Now Mario Marois' ass can proudly boast that it too, has its own hockey card. I'm not sure how Dan Quinn feels about this as he was supposed to be the focus of this card, but in the end (no pun intended) he got upstaged.




December 5th, 2013



Wretched Airbrushing Abomination #2

   Here's another fine example of the wonderful airbrushing techniques O-Pee-Chee used to think they were pulling off expertly. After Warren Young was dealt from the Red Wings to the Penguins in 86-87, they had to do something desperate to show him in a Penguins uniform. Now here's the thing that'll really blow your mind. Young had actually played for Pittsburgh during the prior two years (83-84, 84-85) prior to signing with Detroit for just the single season. They actually didn't have any pictures remaining of him from just two seasons prior? Man how times have changed! Check out how poorly oriented the Penguin logo is on his chest. Brutal!




December 2nd, 2013



Too Cool For School #1

   This was another in the Upper Deck subset devoted to the players away from the rink. Many players are shown with their hobbies, including Adam Oates with a baseball glove and bat, Ray Bourque and Brett Hull with golf clubs and Alexei Kovalev with a soccer ball. What's Doug Gilmour's hobby? That's right...being cool. Or maybe this has something to do with motorcycles. Don't care really, it's funny as hell.




November 28th, 2013



Hockey Orgasms Are Fun!

   Scoring a goal is definitely a good feeling. I'm not sure it's this good, however. Hubie McDonough was caught in the act of what looks like some pretty great sexual release in this particular hockey card photo. I'll have what he's having!




November 25th, 2013



The Great Tikkanen - Hockey Hypnotist

   In a particularly well timed photographic happenstance, Esa Tikkanen makes an interesting hand gesture while Guy Carbonneau does his part by looking like he's in a trance. Or perhaps Tikkanen really was toying with the idea of hypnotizing his opponents. I'm sure most of them would have preferred that to his incessant, unintelligible chattering throughout every game hilariously labeled Tikannese.




November 21st, 2013



Meet Alex Ovechkin - Super Nerd!

   Have a look at this nice young gentleman. Wait a minute! That's badass Alex Ovechkin! You wouldn't have guessed from this draft day picture what kind of a personality Alex actually has. There's probably an important lesson in this, kids. Don't judge a book by its cover, or something. In any case, I can only imagine what Ovie thinks when he looks at this picture. Yikes!




November 18th, 2013



Photography Lesson #1 - Center Your Subject

   I'm still trying to figure out what happened during this photo shoot that could have possibly resulted in such a poorly centered hockey card. I kind of imagine the photographer's instructions going something like this; "A little to the right, Mike. No...my right. No. Other way. Ah, screw it, I gotta be on a plane in 40 minutes!" Click. The rest is history...horrible, horrible history.




November 14th, 2013



Denis Savard And The Lamest Card Ever

   Upper Deck once decided to do a card subset where you REALLY got to know the players. The card backs had different questions regarding the player's toughest opponents and superstitions etc., and the fronts would show what other hobbies these same players had in their moments away from the rink. Sounds good right? Um...no. I'll have many entries from this particular subset starting with this beauty of Denis Savard and a horse calendar. Presumably his hobby is riding and they wouldn't let him bring a horse into the locker room. Or perhaps his hobby is collecting horse calendars, the card doesn't really say...




November 12th, 2013



Man Without A Face

   This is Bryan Pitton's card from a Hot Rookies set produced by Score. Of course this begs the question, exactly how hot of a prospect can you be when they don't even bother to show your face? I'm not sure if he was really that ugly or they just decided the most notable thing about him was his jersey number. Either way, this card has earned its place on the all-time worst list. Congratulations are in order...I guess.




November 10th, 2013



No Neck Vs The Giraffe - The Battle Begins!

   Apparently, OHL goaltenders come in all shapes and sizes, or at least their necks do. Not much else to say about this really, except...DAMN!!!




November 8th, 2013



"Wait till they get a load of me!"

   Look out Batman! There's a new Supervillain in town! Anders Hedberg was a great player for the Jets back in their early days in the WHA. However, judging by this particular hockey card, the man was also a raving maniac! We're not sure how much raping and pillaging he actually did, if any, but you have to admit the man certainly looks capable of a lot of scary things.




November 6th, 2013



Wretched Airbrushing Abomination

   Perhaps Randy Cunneyworth actually turned into a cartoon character moments before this photograph was taken? Or maybe this was an example of the crappy airbrushing that was used in the 70's but should have been taken out of the playbook before 89-90 when this set was released. Good old O-Pee-Chee always thought it was better that we have some hack artist try his best impression of what a player would like like in his new team's uniform. Have a close look at the hockey glove, which is particularly hilarious!



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