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The Bad Hockey Card Blog

   This is a fun little project I have been wanting to do for a long time. It really has nothing to do with the league except to give people one more reason to stop by the site on a weekly basis and perhaps provide some comic relief, which is much needed as we know that rec ball hockey is generally some pretty serious shit!

   There is no shortage of terrible hockey cards out there and I am the not-so-proud owner of a bunch of them. So with that said, over the coming weeks and months, I will be marching out numerous examples of photographic misdeeds, oddities and downright "What were they thinking?" moments that should prove quite entertaining.

   


April 3rd, 2014



Full Body Transplant #2

   The previous attempt at transposing a player's head to another's body had proven so successful that they tried it again in this set from 71/72, this time with the newly acquired Dave Balon's oversized melon on top of Jocelyn Guevremont's body. Once again, the execution was flawless!

Mouseover the image to see the original source





March 31st, 2014



Full Body Transplant

   Will the wonders of modern medicine never cease? After Rogie Vachon went to the Kings, some genius decided the best way to get a picture of him in his new uni would be to simply stick his head on someone else's body. This plan might have even worked had they not botched the job so badly. If they only moved that head to the left side of the card a bit more and perhaps down a touch, it might have looked a little less obvious. The body hair and skin tone aren't exactly a match either, but hey, one problem at a time!

Mouseover the image to see the original source





March 27th, 2014



The Flying V That Flew Away

   Sunkist got into the hockey card business a while back with it's own line of cards. They came in bags of oranges, meaning that the odds of finding one not crushed to a pulp (pun intended) were pretty low. As for this particular beauty, well, they say a tiger can't change his stripes...but what about a hockey player? In earlier entries we have seen the different lengths that card companies have gone to when they lack the licenses to print NHL team logos. The classic Vancouver "Flying V" is a whole different issue. It's not even a logo really, but I suppose it is deemed to be synonymous with the identity of the team. As you can see from this picture, it's full removal was somewhat problematic. In fact, that may be somewhat of an understatement!




March 25th, 2014



Parental Guidance Suggested

   Here's a saucy little picture of Pavel Bure in a sauna. I recall it making quite the stir in Vancouver when it was released in the mid 90's. Back then, he was stopping traffic in the city under normal conditions, let alone when he is half naked as he is here. While this is far from the edge of the sexual boundaries of our contemporary society (*cough* Miley Cyrus *cough*), it's still pretty racy stuff for a hockey card.




March 20th, 2014



Witness The Unrelenting, Frenzied Action Of The NHL All-Star Game!

   I think even the most ardent supporter of the National Hockey League would have to admit that the league's All-Star Game leaves something to be desired. It's mostly an exhibition of floating with no defense or hitting, whatsoever. Nevertheless, it still seems a little hard to believe that THIS would be the most action-packed Mario Lemieux picture to be taken from that event. It's good to see him watching his figure with the Diet Coke, however.




March 17th, 2014



Doug Gilmour - The Gambler!

   Doug Gilmour is the unfortunate winner of the race to a second entry in Bad Hockey Cards. In his first appearance, he was flagged for trying to appear too cool. On this one, well, I'll just let you be the judge of what exactly went wrong. I'm not sure if this is an analogy to him being a gunslinger of the NHL or was just meant to portray his inner cowboy. Either way, this look has no place on a hockey card, or really anywhere that isn't the old wild west!




March 13th, 2014



Reenacting Great Scenes From Alien

   I'm a big fan of the Alien movie franchise, and apparently so is Ken Linseman. In fact, he likes it so much that he can be seen here acting out one of the key scenes in which an alien baby is beginning to burst out of his stomach. You can even see the discomfort on his face, but in the future, Ken, you should be emoting a little more by this part. You may want to start flailing your arms and screaming a bunch. Not bad for a first try, though.




March 10th, 2014



What The Hell Is Going On In This Card?

   When I think of what I would want for the ideal hockey card, somehow this isn't it. In fact I'm not really sure what's happening here at all. Did we walk on in something we shouldn't have? Is Kerry about to get to first base and beyond? Is that even him? It's kind of hard to say considering we see less of his face than Tim Allen's neighbor, Wilson, from Home Improvement. I'll have a few more entries from this mind-boggling draft set later on.




March 6th, 2014



Wretched Airbrushing Abomination #3

   Some years, the folks at O-Pee-Chee decide to go with the classic "Now with Chicago" notation after a player changes teams, and other years they opt for the airbrushing treatment as they start to think of themselves as the Leonardo Da Vinci of graphic artists. This particular piece of work is really more like a botched paint-by-numbers that was performed by a two-year-old! For a good laugh, compare the logo on the chest with that on the bottom corner of the card. The good news is that their version still does somewhat resemble Tim Hunter, so it's not a total loss.




March 3rd, 2014



Tim Hunter, By A Nose

   The thought that crosses my mind as I look at this particular hockey card was this; Did this card company actually put out a bounty for some photographer to capture Tim Hunter's infamous battle damaged nose? His side profile has often been compared to a human version of the Blackhawks logo, and after looking at this card, it's hard to disagree. Bless you Tim Hunter, for you make the rest of us all look a little better by comparison.




February 27th, 2014



Cup Check!

   Who doesn't enjoy getting knifed in the nuts with the blade of a hockey stick? It's one of those special little moments that lets you know you're still alive, even if for several minutes you wished you weren't. Here rookie Jason Miller gets a warm welcome to the NHL from Pat Lafontaine.




February 24th, 2014



Hockey Card Atrocity Par Excellence!

   This has to go down as one of the most embarrassing hockey cards of all time! Mike Grier is pigging out on pizza at the same time a photographer takes an upward looking shot that makes him look like he has a Chief Wiggum snout. Hell, even the couch he's sitting on is ugly as hell. To top it all off, in the upper right hand corner of the card, there is a misplaced TM that was left over from a last minute layout change of the card set! I am seriously shaking my head about this entry. I'm sure Mike Grier is too.




February 20th, 2014



Too Cool For School #3

   Sometimes bad hockey cards happen to good people. I have an awful lot of respect for Steve Yzerman, but even he doesn't get a free pass on this sort of thing. I'm not sure if he's sitting backwards in the chair in order to do some talking with troubled inner city youth or if perhaps he just always wanted to be a camp counselor. Either way this card is just terrible. 




February 18th, 2014



When Goalies Get Photobombed

   I know that deep down, all goalies are really just waiting until the moment someone snaps a picture that makes them look cool. Don't try to deny it you goalies out there! However, every now and again, some idiot strolls into frame and ruins the whole damn thing. The look on Stephane Beauregard's face says it all. Get off of my card, man!




February 13th, 2014



Meet The World's Freakiest Mascot

   There are many team mascots out there and some are a little weirder than others. However, there was nothing that could have quite prepared me for the North Bay Centennials' own Casey Jones. Man, I'm gonna have nightmares about this tonight!



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