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This is a fun little project I have been wanting to do for a long time.
It really has nothing to do with the league except to give people one more reason to stop by the site on a weekly basis and perhaps provide some comic
relief, which is much needed as we know that rec ball hockey is generally some
pretty serious shit!
There is no shortage of terrible hockey cards out there and I am the not-so-proud owner of a bunch of them.
So with that said, over the coming weeks and months, I will be marching out
numerous examples of photographic misdeeds, oddities and downright "What were they
thinking?" moments that should prove quite entertaining.
April 3rd, 2014
Full Body Transplant #2
The previous attempt at transposing a player's head to another's
body had proven so successful that they tried it again in this set from 71/72,
this time with the newly acquired Dave Balon's oversized melon on top of Jocelyn
Guevremont's body. Once again, the execution was flawless!
Mouseover the image to see the original source
March 31st, 2014
Full Body Transplant
Will the wonders of modern medicine never cease? After Rogie Vachon
went to the Kings, some genius decided the best way to get a picture of him in
his new uni would be to simply stick his head on someone else's body. This plan
might have even worked had they not botched the job so badly. If they only moved
that head to the left side of the card a bit more and perhaps down a touch, it
might have looked a little less obvious. The body hair and skin tone aren't
exactly a match either, but hey, one problem at a time!
Mouseover the image to see the original source
March 27th, 2014
The Flying V That Flew Away
Sunkist got into the hockey card business a while back with it's
own line of cards. They came in bags of oranges, meaning that the odds of
finding one not crushed to a pulp (pun intended) were pretty low. As for this
particular beauty, well, they say a tiger can't change his stripes...but what
about a hockey player? In earlier entries we have seen the different lengths
that card companies have gone to when they lack the licenses to print NHL team
logos. The classic Vancouver "Flying V" is a whole different issue.
It's not even a logo really, but I suppose it is deemed to be synonymous with
the identity of the team. As you can see from this picture, it's full removal
was somewhat problematic. In fact, that may be somewhat of an understatement!
March 25th, 2014
Parental Guidance Suggested
Here's a saucy little picture of Pavel Bure in a sauna. I recall it
making quite the stir in Vancouver when it was released in the mid 90's. Back
then, he was stopping traffic in the city under normal conditions, let alone
when he is half naked as he is here. While this is far from the edge of the
sexual boundaries of our contemporary society (*cough* Miley Cyrus *cough*),
it's still pretty racy stuff for a hockey card.
March 20th, 2014
Witness The Unrelenting, Frenzied Action Of The NHL All-Star
I think even the most ardent supporter of the National Hockey
League would have to admit that the league's All-Star Game leaves something to
be desired. It's mostly an exhibition of floating with no defense or hitting,
whatsoever. Nevertheless, it still seems a little hard to believe that THIS
would be the most action-packed Mario Lemieux picture to be taken from that
event. It's good to see him watching his figure with the Diet Coke, however.
March 17th, 2014
Doug Gilmour - The Gambler!
Doug Gilmour is the unfortunate winner of the race to a second
entry in Bad Hockey Cards. In his first appearance, he was flagged for trying to
appear too cool. On this one, well, I'll just let you be the judge of what
exactly went wrong. I'm not sure if this is an analogy to him being a gunslinger
of the NHL or was just meant to portray his inner cowboy. Either way, this look
has no place on a hockey card, or really anywhere that isn't the old wild west!
March 13th, 2014
Reenacting Great Scenes From Alien
I'm a big fan of the Alien movie franchise, and apparently so is
Ken Linseman. In fact, he likes it so much that he can be seen here acting out
one of the key scenes in which an alien baby is beginning to burst out of his
stomach. You can even see the discomfort on his face, but in the future, Ken,
you should be emoting a little more by this part. You may want to start flailing
your arms and screaming a bunch. Not bad for a first try, though.
March 10th, 2014
When I think of what I would want for the ideal hockey card,
somehow this isn't it. In fact I'm not really sure what's happening here at all.
Did we walk on in something we shouldn't have? Is Kerry about to get to first
base and beyond? Is that even him? It's kind of hard to say considering we see
less of his face than Tim Allen's neighbor, Wilson, from Home Improvement. I'll
have a few more entries from this mind-boggling draft set later on.
March 6th, 2014
Wretched Airbrushing Abomination #3
Some years, the folks at O-Pee-Chee decide to go with the classic
"Now with Chicago" notation after a player changes teams, and other
years they opt for the airbrushing treatment as they start to think of
themselves as the Leonardo Da Vinci of graphic artists. This particular piece of
work is really more like a botched paint-by-numbers that was performed by a
two-year-old! For a good laugh, compare the logo on the chest with that on the
bottom corner of the card. The good news is that their version still does
somewhat resemble Tim Hunter, so it's not a total loss.
March 3rd, 2014
Tim Hunter, By A Nose
The thought that crosses my mind as I look at this particular
hockey card was this; Did this card company actually put out a bounty for some
photographer to capture Tim Hunter's infamous battle damaged nose? His side
profile has often been compared to a human version of the Blackhawks logo, and
after looking at this card, it's hard to disagree. Bless you Tim Hunter, for you
make the rest of us all look a little better by comparison.
February 27th, 2014
Who doesn't enjoy getting knifed in the nuts with the blade of a
hockey stick? It's one of those special little moments that lets you know you're
still alive, even if for several minutes you wished you weren't. Here rookie Jason
Miller gets a warm welcome to the NHL from Pat Lafontaine.
February 24th, 2014
Hockey Card Atrocity Par Excellence!
This has to go down as one of the most embarrassing hockey cards of
all time! Mike Grier is pigging out on pizza at the same time a photographer
takes an upward looking shot that makes him look like he has a Chief Wiggum
snout. Hell, even the couch he's sitting on is ugly as hell. To top it all off,
in the upper right hand corner of the card, there is a misplaced TM that was
left over from a last minute layout change of the card set! I am seriously
shaking my head about this entry. I'm sure Mike Grier is too.
February 20th, 2014
Too Cool For School #3
Sometimes bad hockey cards happen to good people. I have an awful
lot of respect for Steve Yzerman, but even he doesn't get a free pass on this
sort of thing. I'm not sure if he's sitting backwards in the chair in order to
do some talking with troubled inner city youth or if perhaps he just always
wanted to be a camp counselor. Either way this card is just terrible.
February 18th, 2014
When Goalies Get Photobombed
I know that deep down, all goalies are really just waiting until
the moment someone snaps a picture that makes them look cool. Don't try to deny
it you goalies out there! However, every now and again, some idiot strolls into
frame and ruins the whole damn thing. The look on Stephane Beauregard's face
says it all. Get off of my card, man!
February 13th, 2014
Meet The World's Freakiest Mascot
There are many team mascots out there and some are a little weirder
than others. However, there was nothing that could have quite prepared me for
the North Bay Centennials' own Casey Jones. Man, I'm gonna have nightmares about