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This is a fun little project I have been wanting to do for a long time.
It really has nothing to do with the league except to give people one more reason to stop by the site on a weekly basis and perhaps provide some comic
relief, which is much needed as we know that rec ball hockey is generally some
pretty serious shit!
There is no shortage of terrible hockey cards out there and I am the not-so-proud owner of a bunch of them.
So with that said, over the coming weeks and months, I will be marching out
numerous examples of photographic misdeeds, oddities and downright "What were they
thinking?" moments that should prove quite entertaining.
July 24th, 2017
"Does My Elbow Pad Smell Okay To You?"
Pictures of fights are generally outlawed on NHL hockey cards, so In The Game had
to get creative with this set involving hockey fights and have an artist
recreate the action... poorly, at that. I jumped for joy upon discovering this
set, as it turned into a real treasure trove of hilarity. Look for several more
Bloody Enforcers Battles entries to come in the BHCB down the road. As for this
particular card, the one thing I know for sure is that Tony Twist LOVES this
card... Bob Probert, not so much. Also check out the blood splatters around the
card border. Nice touch!
July 18th, 2017
I'm afraid you don't have the proper clearance to view these cards. Only the highest levels of
government/military have the sufficient authorization required. Why Leaf determined that this Phenoms set is so
top secret is anyone's guess, but nevertheless, they felt the need to put a protective film over each card
that completely obscures the image. Keep checking Wiki-leaks, they're bound to
end up there sooner or later!
July 4th, 2017
Too Many Stars and WAAAAY Too Many Stripes!
This 4th of July, I thought I would send a shout-out to
our neighbours to the south with this hockey card that couldn't possibly be
any more American. This is a shot from a team USA scrimmage from the '76 Canada Cup set
produced by a company called Future Trends. Thankfully, wearing jerseys this
ugly did not actually become a future trend for Team USA. I'm not sure if
the idea of these was to make the opponents fall down in a fit of laughter or to
just get nauseous. Perhaps this has the same effect as a pack of zebras
scattering. I'm glad I never had to see these in action to find out!
June 26th, 2017
With the NHL Draft having been held this past weekend, now might be a good time to revisit some of the terrible
draft sets of the early 90's when things like draft sets were in fashion. The majority of companies tried and failed with their first attempt,
though it's easy to see why. Not being able to afford the licensing fees of the junior or college leagues or the pricey NHL logos, these card companies had
to get creative in how they presented their players. That's how you end up with the sort of thing in today's entry, with the tuxedo concept
looking all the more ridiculous on a goaltender. Just be happy they didn't have him strap on the leg pads. This set was from a company called Arena, and
as you will note at the bottom of the card, this was the Premiere Edition. By popular demand, this was also their last set.
June 19th, 2017
Hull Card Picked As "Least Exciting"
This is actually not the first "guy reading a paper" card we've seen in the
BHCB. However, it's funny to glimpse the content of that paper and then see this
image. Pretty sure the authors of that article didn't have this hockey card in
mind when they wrote that headline.
June 12th, 2017
Don't Stop Beliebing!
For any long suffering Leafs fans out there, this one's going to hurt a little.
It has to be a bit depressing to think that Justin Bieber has held the Stanley
Cup while any current Leaf players still seem quite a distance away from doing
likewise. And of course, it's all the more infuriating to see a spoiled little
rich kid like this being the one to handle the most sacred of sporting trophies.
Toronto's favourite son, this is not! The only people that have suffered worse
over the past several years than Leaf fans are those parents whose households
are inundated with Bieber tunes. You both have my sympathy!
June 3rd, 2017
I don't know what it is, but I can't get over how much this guy looks like he belongs in a museum
of wax figures. I mean, it's uncanny! To make matters worse, they spelled his
damn name wrong on the card! This is actually Tom Polanic, not Polonic.
May 24th, 2017
This Lineman's Ass Was Of All-Star Quality
This guy does have a nice posterior. It's good to see it getting
some recognition with an All-Star berth. It certainly looks like Andre Lacroix was a big admirer!
May 17th, 2017
Quick! Hide Me!
Just take a look at Blackhawks' forward Murray Craven in this
picture. He appears to be cowering behind Luke Richardson, while also holding on
for dear life. "Save me, Daddy!". I don't know what impending danger
was headed his way, but I'm sure big Luke will protect him! This set was also
keen of putting game-dated information at the bottom of the card. Of course, big
events and milestones are typically few and far between, and if you want to have
a lot of cards with game notes on them, I guess you can't be that choosy. Oh,
well. Happy 600 games, Luke!
May 10th, 2017
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
Poor Ron Hextall. We all knew he was getting on in years, but then
Score comes out with this card to really point out his ever growing bald patch.
It's like they specifically waited until he dropped his head so they could give
you the best shot of it. He looks so sad in this photo. At least his teammate is
trying to provide him some solace by telling him to keep his chin up. Perhaps
May 5th, 2017
In the previous entry I talked about how some errors slip past the
card company's proof readers. In the case of 7th Inning Sketch, their 1991 CHL
release seemingly didn't have any proofreading at all! This particular card
is of Joe's brother Brian Sakic. Although on this card, he is clearly named Buan,
which doesn't seem that close to Brian if you ask me. I chose this one at
random, but the set has so many errors that it is actually maddening,
including (but not limited to) spelling mistakes, card numbering errors,
pictures of players that are switched, player stats that are messed up... the
list is endless. An old proverb says "Measure twice, cut once". That's opposed to
measuring once and cutting twice, but hey, just imagine this third option;
measure once, cut once, and then just live with the results of your crappy cut.
What a time saver!
April 26th, 2017
Name Goes Here... Or Not
The writing on these super shiny Black Diamond cards is pretty much impossible to read unless
you have the sun shining directly down on it... at noon... during the summer
solstice. I've turned up the exposure on this scan so we can sort of see
what's going on. In this case, what's going on is that the producers of this card forgot to type in the damn name of
the player! The area I have highlighted should say Martin Straka, but instead says AVVV (*I think!). Not sure if that was
a place holder that was never fixed or if the guy typing in the text just fell asleep at the wheel and mashed his face into the
keyboard! The general unreadability of this set probably led directly to this oversight by the proofreaders.
It's very possible that whomever was tasked with that job just said "Screw
it, nobody can read these anyway!".
April 20th, 2017
In honour of 4/20, the day potheads celebrate all things weed related, the BHCB offers up this tremendous
Reg Fleming entry in which he looks seriously baked, right down to his awe of
the little hockey stick adorning his own hockey card. Don't do drugs, kids!
April 12th, 2017
Towel Power has its roots in Vancouver. Not from this card, however.
Pinnacle apparently got some good deals on several photos of questionable
quality for this set. This card of Kirk McLean wiping (and fully obscuring) his
face with a towel would normally have ended up on the reject pile, but somehow
made it through. C'mon, we live in the age of digital photography now! Delete
Photo? > Yes.
April 4th, 2017
The Guy On The End Gives Zero F***s
Before you do anything, check out the dude on the bottom right.
With the rest of the front row submissively kneeling with a bouquet of flowers
in hand, this dude strikes a pose that seems to say "Not a f***ing chance
that I'm doing that!". A further inspection of this scene shows multiple
members of the team casting disapproving glances in his direction. These guys
were throwing shade before it was even a thing. It must have been quite the bit
of drama unfolding just before this picture was taken. This card comes to us
from a 1977 multi-sport set, hence the listing of Ice Hockey on the top of the
card. According to the handy player map on the bottom, the card lists the
troublemaker as I. Lushenko. Of course, so much info on this card is incorrect
including the man in question, who was actually named Vladimir Lutchenko. He
would go on to have a solid career in Russia, which is good to know considering
he was almost exiled to Siberia after this photoshoot!
March 28th, 2017
Godzilla On Ice
This isn't the first freaky team mascot we've seen on a
hockey card remember (Casey Jones?), but this one really gives me the
heebie-jeebies. Can you just imagine how many kids this guy scares at his home
March 21st, 2017
Is this really the focal point of a card subset? Stubble? Really??
Yep, Leaf Limited seemed to be running low on ideas when they whipped this set
out. As it happens, Eric Lindros barely even has any noticeable stubble to show in this
picture. Brent Burns he is not.
March 14th, 2017
Does This Jersey Make Me Look Fat?
This image really doesn't do Sandis Ozolinsh any justice as he appears to be a bloated,
300 pound defenseman on this card. This San Jose Shark is looking more like a gigantic
whale shark than a sleek mako shark at the instant this was taken. Timing
is everything, as they say.
March 7th, 2017
The Penguin Symbolizes Obviousness!
Yes, back in the early days after Pittsburgh drafted Lemieux in
1984, he was taken to the Pittsburgh Zoo for this photo op with, what
else... penguins. Pittsburgh penguins, in fact! If this picture seems a little
bit contrived and over-the-top corny, that's because it is. The best part of this card is undoubtedly the lone penguin on the right that
looks into the camera as if to say "WTF?!". Only he among that
gathering of penguins realized the true historical significance of that moment!
February 28th, 2017
What's not to like with this card? Brent Sapergia shows you what a badass he is with his
slick shades and rat tail hair. He knows he looks good and he has the attitude
to pull it all together with a pose that says "Don't F*** with me!".
Or possibly he is doing a moonwalk in a Michael Jackson impersonation for the
ages. Either way this card is straight up amazing!
February 21st, 2017
Your Waiter Will Seat You Now
Poor Cam Neely. To make ends meet he is working part-time as a host
at a local eating establishment. Or perhaps he just has a deep love of menus,
and takes photos of them to add to his impressive collection. He seems a bit
underdressed, and not just because of those short shorts!
February 14th, 2017
Lovers In A Dangerous Time
Valentine's Day is that one special day of the year when you get to cradle your loved one in your arms and tell them how special they are. Donald Brashear and Marty McSorley
profess their love for one another in this beautiful depiction of unbridled
passion! Now that's amore!
February 7th, 2017
Wretched Airbrushing Abomination #5
Every now and then I feel compelled to throw in one of these heinous airbrushing disasters.
I mean, so little of this image is actually real that it just makes you wonder
why they didn't start from scratch with a sketch artist and a rough description
of the suspect... er... I mean player. Check out the bottom feathers of the blue
note. Sooooo bad.
January 31st, 2017
Carrying The Team On His Back
This card was found on the back of a package of JELLO, so I guess
we should have lowered our expectations from the outset. With that said, this is
a pretty hilarious bit of hijinx as Marty McSorley carries the team mascot, SJ
Sharkie, around the rink. Check out Marty's grin in this pic as well. When told
he would be sharing this card with Sharkie, he knew who would have the upper